The Truth of Why I'm No Longer Photographing Weddings

As I’m preparing to head back to Seattle to shoot one of my last two weddings (possibly ever), I’m filled with mixed emotions. For 10 years now, I’ve photographed weddings all over the country (and once in the middle of the ocean). It’s been a wild journey of both stress and excitement. Now, this isn’t a post about whining about the stress of dealing with Bridezillas or clients not understanding why wedding photography is expensive or missing out on every family/friend’s wedding or fun events every single summer for a decade. Those are all just part of the job I signed up for. The truth of why I’m no longer photographing weddings really comes down to my body and mind telling me it’s time to move on.

Don’t get me wrong, I love weddings. I love witnessing the nerves, the changing energy, the excitement. The getting-ready moments, the final touches of waterproof makeup, and the tucking of tissues into a hidden pocket. Watching dad try not to cry and mom wanting everything to be perfect as a happy couple exchange vows. Nervous laughter, deep gratitude, sweet kisses. Hearing the music choices, tasting the intentionally prepared dishes, seeing the friends and family surround and build up the marriage with love and support. Big smiles and slow dances. It’s all the most beautiful thing to document and I don’t take it for granted. I know how important these photos are to my couples and their families in the moment, but also how more important they become down the road as they become tangible legacy pieces in the family.

Here’s what most people don’t know. I’m not leaving wedding photography because I don’t enjoy it, but because I’m physically exhausted at the thought of it and ready for something new. Truthfully, I’ve always had sensitive nerves, but weddings brought out the worst of them for me. I couldn’t put a name or reason to it. It wasn’t until recent years that I realized I have mild anxiety and weddings triggered it for me and nothing I tried would help ease it.

For the past 10 years, I haven’t been able to eat before a wedding without getting physically sick, I couldn’t carry conversations or focus well the day before / morning leading up to a wedding because I would become overridden with the pressure that comes with the one-chance only shot at nailing the clients’ expectations on one of their most important days. I’d arrive to a wedding feeling sick, hungry, and sleep-deprived and run on adrenaline for the next 12-15 hours. I didn’t understand how I could be laughing and crying with my clients, feeling joyful and confident that I was taking beautiful images of them, but still feel the lingering pit of stress in my stomach.

My anxiety would typically clear by the time the reception rolled around, where I would eat as much as possible (usually resulting in a sugar crash) really quickly at the dinner before jumping back into work so I didn’t miss any important events during the reception. But, over the course of 10 years, it never really improved. I still was getting sick before every wedding I photographed (or even second-shot for someone else). I’ve only talked about it with a few people to this day, but for the most part, I buried my struggles and pressed on.

In my early days of wedding photography, I was photographing a couple weddings a weekend so it would be 24+ hours of havoc on my body. Eventually, the toll on my body built up and I started needing longer days to recover. Not to mention being sore from carrying around heavy equipment (but this was by choice because carrying to full-sized camera bodies with solid lenses was necessary to my shooting style). Eventually in years 5-8, I started only accepting 1 wedding per weekend and offering 9-10 hours of coverage as my max. My sweet spot now is 6 hours and that’s what many of clients pay for, but because I’m a chronic over-achiever and I care about my clients so much, that I’d always still put in an extra 2-3 hours of my own free time to ensure my clients are happy. Are you seeing how I’m burning myself out now? And so, I’ve been slowly accepting less weddings for the past couple years with the intention of phasing them out of my schedule.

Now, a decade later, I’m lovingly deciding to give my body and mind a break. Despite the incredible memories and joy it brings me to witness + document these special days, I feel like it’s just time to continue photographing love stories on a smaller scale. Elopements, engagements, anniversaries - you name it! With this decision, I’ve felt my creativity expanding in new ways, I’ve taken chances on new opportunities in the photography world, and my stress levels are way down. I no longer feel sick when I go to work. I can eat and feel nourished before my photo sessions. I may be tired after shooting all day, but it’s not nearly the same feeling. To sum it up, this choice just feels right and healthy for me.

My wedding clients have been the best blessing to me and my career and I’m forever grateful for each one of you who have allowed me to put my heart and soul into documenting your special day. At the end of the day, I might still have a bit of envy when I see a photographer at a wedding and wish I could be the one doing it, but at the same time, I’ll be saying a silent thank you that it’s my turn to enjoy the day as I slowly savor a big bite of wedding cake.

If you’ve read this to the end, thank you for hanging on with me. If you’ve also struggled with anxiety or sensitive nerves, know that you’re not alone and it’s okay to make decisions that are best for your body and mind. Much love to you all!